My roommate is a liar. She’s been deceiving me this whole time.
In reality you never asked if we, in fact, HAD bendy straws.
You two need a sitcom of your life.
WHEN YOU BRING BENDY STRAWS INTO THIS APARTMENT YOU SHOULD MAKE A PROCLAMATION OF EXUBERANCE NOT HIDE THEM BEHIND ALL THE STALE FOOD WE DON’T EAT
GET. YOUR SHIT. TOGETHER WOMAN
Funny thing is I’m pretty sure I’ve had that bag of bendy straws since we were back in the dorm. I thought I was finally getting my shit together by moving them out to the kitchen.
TWO YEARS?! YOU’VE HAD THEM FOR TWO YEARS?!
NEXT YOU’RE GONNA TELL ME YOU’RE PREGNANT AND I WILL NOT HELP YOU RAISE A CHILD IN THIS APARTMENT OF LIES
Well fuck. You went and ruined the surprise!
if you’re a sarcastic asshole come sit with me because i’m one too